• Clare

In which I am clumsy

I am one of those people that has absolutely no co-ordination whatsoever, and spatial awareness? What spatial awareness?

Yesterday I broke my favourite mug. I was devastated. It had been given to me by my good friend Alison, when I was her Bridesmaid at their wedding last year. She said it was a toss-up between an engraved wine glass or a mug. In the end she opted for the mug, as she said it best represented our friendship. And it does! Most of our time together is spent drinking tea once the kids are at school. Not only was I devastated at the sentimental loss, but it was also a bloody good mug! You know when you find a mug that's just the right shape and size? The handle fits into your hand perfectly and it just feels cosy to drink from it. Well, this was one of those mugs. I watched it slip from my grasp in slow motion, and then shatter on the kitchen tiles. Apparently it wasn't slow enough for me to catch it! I have to confess, there were a few choice words that crept from my lips.

Regrettably, this is not a one of a kind occurrence. This happens to me all the time. Glass saucepan lids, gone within a matter of weeks, smashed into tiny little fragments that you'll be cleaning up for days. All of our glasses have chips around the rim, where I miscalculate the distance between the sink and the draining board, pinging a glass off the side of the drying rack with ferocity. Clay models that the kids have created at school during their art lesson, (apparently some sort of roman god?) now headless and hidden at the back of the shelf. It only had one arm to begin with, but I know that if they see the head has been decapitated, I'll be blamed for destroying their masterpiece. Glass tankards that the Husband has proudly brought home from a presentation night; a trophy for his team's victory in the league, shattered into four parts. Mercifully, not enough that the glass flies everywhere, but not a clean enough break that the jug can be glued back together either.

As you can imagine, it's an absolute nightmare at the pub! The number of times I've found myself wishing I were allowed to wear sandals behind the bar. My frumpy trainers really ruin the look of so many nice summer dresses, but it's against health and safety. I have to admit, had I been allowed to have my toes out freely, I'd have no digits left at all by now. In fact, I really should be wearing steel toe caps at work, judging the number of times I've unintentionally juggled with a pint glass, only for it to land behind me with a horrific crash, much to the amusement of the patrons. There's usually an "oi, oi!" to be heard from somewhere in the bar. Or, worse than that, a terrible joke; "Having a smashing time there, love?" Eye roll. I've heard it a hundred times before! It's a good job these breakages aren't deducted from my wages, or else I'd struggle to meet the mortgage payments each month.

I think my most regrettable incident, was when, upon removing a tray of glasses from the glasswasher, I balanced the tray on the sink whilst shutting the door, and, of course, the entire lot came crashing to the ground. Not only did it take an absolute age to clean up, not helped by the fact that the floor boasts a sparkly red lino. (Sparkly flooring behind a bar! Whoever thought that was a good idea!) but the biggest faux pas was discovering one of our regular customer's personal glasses smashed amongst the wreckage. He only ever drinks Guinness (the normal one, never the cold!) and he has his own set of glasses set aside for his personal use. A combination of some of the old style tulip vessels, without any fancy mouldings (he doesn't like the way they feel) and a selection of vintage memorabilia that his daughter brought back from the Guinness brewery in Dublin. I was terribly apologetic, and he seemed very understanding, but I couldn't help feeling incredibly guilty for weeks afterwards. It's one thing wrecking your own stuff, but it's a completely different kettle of fish when it belongs to someone else.

Are you clumsy, or do you have to put up with someone else's frequent accidents? Leave me a comment below.

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#havingasmashingtime #breakingglasses #clumsy #funny #humour #unfiltered #honest #funnyblog #funnyblogposts #funnyblogsite

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