In which I reveal my most embarrassing moment
Or maybe it's really my Daughter's most embarrassing moment. Although, it has provided us with a brilliant story for her Dad to retell during his 'Father of the Bride' speech...
When the Daughter was just two years old, her Aunt and Uncle got married. I was to be Bridesmaid, the Husband Best Man and the Daughter a Flower Girl. The day before the Wedding, we headed over to our local Church for a rehearsal. The Church dates back to the 13th Century and has been designated a Grade 1 listed building. It is steeped in rich history and houses the Chapel of the local Wyndham family and a memorial to Sir John Wyndham, who played in important role in the establishment of defence organisation in the West Country against the threat of the Spanish Armada of 1588.
However, it is his wife Florence, sister of Nicholas Wadham (co-founder of Wadham College at Oxford), who is remembered most by the locals for her grizzly tale in which she is buried alive in the family crypt. A year after her marriage to John, she was taken ill, thought to have died and buried the same night in the family vault at the church. The Sexton broke into her coffin in order to steal her rings, accidentally cutting off one of her fingers. She awoke from her cataleptic trance and rose in pain from her coffin. The Sexton immediately dropped his lantern and fled, aiding her escape across the fields in the early hours to her astonished family. A year later she gave birth to her son, also named John. Local folklore claims that her ghost can still be seen wandering the fields at night, searching for her family estate.
The Church is quite sombre internally, with brass mouldings of the Wyndham family, stone floors and heavy wooden pews, but it is also magnificent; boasting stained glass windows, intricate wooden arches and an ornately decorated pulpit. The Husband and I were lucky enough to marry there in 2006. It commands a degree of respect, but is also a remarkable place to worship and a beautiful setting for a wedding. It's certainly the sort of place where a high level of modicum and decorum are expected.
So there we all were, at the altar; the lady Vicar talking us through the order of service, trying to shuffle people into their correct positions and eventually having to firmly guide us by the arm. I can't remember exactly what the Daughter and her young cousin were up to at that point, but I do know it would have required a lot of tutting and shushing in their direction! Being only two years old, the Daughter was potty training at the time and we were confident that we had reached the point where we could trust her to survive without a nappy for an hour or two. I think you may know where this story is going...
To the complete and utter dismay, horror and embarrassment of the Husband and I, our darling toddler announced to the Vicar that she needed a "wee wee" and proceeded to pull her knickers down at the altar and urinate on the floor! "Quick, grab her" I shrieked at the Husband, who picked her up under the arms, swung her round with her knickers still around her ankles and ran with her down the aisle towards the doors, a trickle of urine trailing behind them. Now, I can't recall exactly what happened after that, or how the family reacted. I think I have blocked it out as a way of dealing with the humiliation. I'm not quite sure how I explained myself to the Vicar, but, rest assured, I was suitably mortified.
Thankfully, the ceremony the following day went without a hitch. Well, at least it did on our part. Our niece spent the entire service loudly proclaiming that she needed a wee to anyone who would listen! I don't know where she got that idea from? As a result, we must be the only family in history to have been barred from a small Parish Church. I'm glad to say I eventually overcame my acute embarrassment and I'm thankful to have such a splendid story to tell as the Daughter grows up and brings home her first boyfriend.
In fact, the Daughter continued to provide us with a steady stream of embarrassing anecdotes throughout her early childhood. Another of which involved her producing a really foul nappy, complete with accompanying sound effects and facial expressions in WH Smith, to which an elderly lady turned and looked at me in disgust. The Daughter offered a simple explanation to the lady. "Poo poo" she said, pointing to her nappy, as if this offered some clarification on the matter. This ruffled the lady even more, which caused me to laugh out loud. I had no choice really, it served the woman right for having such a ridiculous reaction. She's a baby. That's what babies do! At least that's what my baby did...
What embarrassing encounters have you had with your children? Don't be shy. We've all experienced it. It's part and parcel of being a parent. Share a comment below.
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