• Clare

In which I think the KKK are after me

Updated: May 3

Last night I had a terrifying experience...


After watching a particularly scary movie (Jumanji - the Robin Williams version) with the Husband and kids earlier in the evening, I was left in a state of high alert. Apparently no-one else found it scary, but I'm a bit of a wimp when it comes to anything remotely alarming. Therefore, I make a conscious effort to avoid things that could be considered mild threat. If not, I have to wake the Husband up to go to the toilet with me in the night. I really am a sissy. The kids were in bed and we'd just finished watching The Nest. The Husband had decided that he was going to stay downstairs and carry on watching more telly, while I was ready to go upstairs and read my book.


I went into the kitchen to get a glass of water to take upstairs with me. It was about 10pm and was now pitch black outside. I filled my glass and as I turned the tap off and glanced up, I froze in terror. My eyes had not quite adjusted beyond the reflection of myself in my Peter Rabbit pyjamas and a terrifying figure stood looming through the window. It was seven feet tall, with a hood that covered it's eyed and a cloak that engulfed its entire body. I couldn't make a noise. I couldn't run. My feet were frozen to the spot. I had no option but to stand there, wimpering, and confront this horrifying apparition. I eventually came to my senses and realised what I was looking at. It was, in fact, not a member of the terrifying supremacist group the Ku Klux Klan, but was actually our patio umbrella. We had only just put it up that afternoon after a few days deliberation as to whether or not the sun would be sticking around long enough to warrant getting it out the shed. This is as a direct result of a lack of sunshine in England, leading to me not recognising my own garden furniture! Needless to say, I felt a bit of a plonker. Funnily enough, I didn't mention my ordeal to the Husband. I just sloped off upstairs with my drink and hid under the duvet in case any other members of an extremist cult were lurking around our quiet country town...

Are their any inanimate objects that have terrorised you recently? Please share in the comments below and help me feel slightly less like a plonker!


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