• Clare

In which I try to understand fashion

A sure fire sign of getting older is grumbling at how ridiculous and indecent some of the latest fashions are! Something I seem to find myself doing more and more of recently...

Take these leggings for instance. I don't know about you, but I have spent my entire life trying to ensure that my leggings don't get eaten by my bum. Today's fashion seems to not only require that a large portion of material looks like it's been engulfed by your anus, but each cheek also has to be completely separated from the other! All very well and good if you have an arse that J-Lo would be proud of, (showing my age again, it's now Kim Kardashian's peach that's all the rage,) but if you have the merest hint of wobble to your derriere, then you might not fall in love with this design. I can't even begin to imagine how uncomfortable they must be.

Another new fashion that seems to keep cropping up is underboob. (Excuse the pun.) Admittedly, not something you really see whilst walking around Tesco's, at least not any Tesco's I've ever been to! This is more a celeb trend (I blame Love Island.) I CANNOT UNDERSTAND IT! Why would you want your breasts hanging out from under your top? For one thing, it must be incredibly chilly, for another, it's an accident waiting to happen. You'd need to have an extremely pert pair to carry off this particular style. Someone like myself, having given birth to and breastfed two children, would not be a suitable candidate for a top such as the one worn above. There would most definitely be some nipple on display. What's wrong with good old fashioned cleavage. Can underboob even be referred to as cleavage? Who knows?

My final issue is with highlighter. A clever invention if used correctly, but there seems to be quite a few people wandering around with silver faces like the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz. Most of these people are extremely attractive and would look stunning with minimal makeup; their skin naturally luminous and unblemished or wrinkled. Why would you want to cover that up with a veil of sparkly powder? I used to subscribe to a monthly beauty box in which I have received a few highlighters. I feel I have given them a fair try: I've tried applying them with one finger, I've tried applying them with a fan brush, but each time it just exaggerates my oversized pores. I could do with slimming down my nose a little, so maybe I could try and master contouring, but I'm afraid of going out looking like I have something unmentionable smeared down my face. I've seen some of the aforementioned Kim Kardashian's makeup tutorials (she's everywhere, that woman) and I just can't bear the thought of marking out my face with white paint, then brown pain, then foundation, then more white and brown paint, then setting it with a heavy layer of powder. Who has time for all this, I ask you?

What are your bugbears when it comes to the latest trends? Let me know in the comments below.

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#underboob #leggingsupyourbum #fashion #highlighter #funny #humour #unfiltered #funnyblog #funnyblogsite #funnyblogposts

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